


Maybe One Day

by aboutmikasa (Coco_c)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, Tumblr Prompt, rivamika
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-07
Updated: 2016-06-07
Packaged: 2018-07-12 22:14:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7124446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coco_c/pseuds/aboutmikasa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi reflects upon his relationship with Mikasa, the fight they had years ago and the day he lost her; remembering and wondering.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Maybe One Day

The venom in her voice poisoned him more than he accepted. “You’re a coward.”

“And you’re the one to talk?” Levi asked rhetorically, yet the anger in his eyes didn’t match his voice.

She acted calm and stoic as ever, as if the unleashed storm in her eyes wasn’t there. He played her game, and returning his attention to the documents in front of him, the man dismissed her. His protégé, the girl worth at least one hundred soldiers, Mikasa Ackerman stayed still — defying him.

“This is not a game, Mikasa,” he warned her. Warning her about what, an order he didn’t understand? What wasn’t a game? He didn’t know.

“Then, what is this?” When Mikasa asked and her eyes searched for a clue but he remained in silence.

Levi didn’t raise his face; a million times she asked more than he or the military could answer or give.

Levi didn’t miss her clenched fists. After those years fighting, working and living side by side, Levi knew her traits and every mannerism she had. The way her fingernails bit into her palms, her eyes focusing on him as the source of her ire, the short, ragged, and slow breath, and her utter annoyance. Her anger was nothing but frustration. A sentiment he could relate; yes, he did understand her, though, the downward spiral of her emotions shouldn’t swallow him.

“I’m sick of this discussion, Mikasa. I’m fucking tired of trying to make you understand the world doesn’t revolve around you,” Levi chastised her, once more.

“I never said that.”

“People died, Mikasa. Don’t you dare to forget it.”

Wide pupils glanced back and what the Captain read on those darker than black eyes, stabbed him. Levi could see the edge of the cliff, his no-return point.

“We’re not talking about…”

“Yes we are,” he interrupted her and his attention returned to the documents in his hands.

“Fuck you!”

Her mask cracked and he—being part of the cause—felt everything but pride; however, his own patience ran low and he wanted to end their futile battle.

“Great, Mikasa. If insulting me helps your childish need for attention, do it.”

For a moment the man hesitated, wondering if he should look at her face and stop acting as if the discussion wasn’t important. A long pause gave him hope—maybe she would understand, maybe she would back off.

“What if I don’t accept it?”

“You don’t get it, do you? You don’t get a say in this decision, Mikasa,” he snapped. “One more word and I’ll see you out of my squad. Now, leave.”

“No, you won’t,” she said with a mixture of anger, conceit, sadness, and disbelief. The sadness almost made him take his threat back, but her arrogance infuriated him. “You need me.”

“No, Mikasa. I don’t need you. Not when you are too stubborn and unable to listen. I’m not putting my team in danger because you can’t control your fucking emotions.” He finally looked up, two gazes meeting and causing an explosion. “How many people need to die under your watch before you understand, Mikasa?”

A subtle shudder made him realize his words. Too brief to do something about it. A collected Mikasa stared at him, cold and distant—so bleak that his own blood froze in his veins.

“You don’t have to do anything,  _ Sir _ ,” the younger soldier spoke and every word echoed in his mind; the emphasis in the honorific instead of his name didn’t go unnoticed. “Take this as my resignation and request for immediate transfer  out of your squad.” 

As a final act, she benched her arm over her chest.

Levi granted her request with a feeling of loss but repeated to himself it was for the best. “Request accepted, Mikasa. You’re dismissed.”

And just like that, the humanities strongest soldiers ceased to be a team and Mikasa Ackerman walked out of his life.

 

***

 

> _ No, Mikasa. I don’t need you. _

The man threw cold water over his face, trying in vain to awake his senses.  Cheerful noises coming through the window as a reminder of the hour. He had time but hordes of enthusiastic citizens were the least appealing scenario. Levi needed to hurry to avoid crowded streets.

Every day the same routine. A memorized sequence. Cleaned and ironed clothes resting on his bed; an almost too white shirt, the bolo tie, and the long coat reserved for formal events. The water fell and his body thanked the refreshing sensation; nothing had ever had a similar effect on him, taking away the physical pain and the drowsiness of his mind. His finger touched the deep, red, raised, firm and thick scar on his back. Hanji told him he needed massages to improve the desensitization of the scar tissue; Hanji had told him too many life improvement advice over the years. If only Hans knew a method to desensitize the persistent heaviness in his chest.

As he raised his head, cold water fell on his forehead; he didn’t close his eyes and the long lashes didn’t shield his vision. Still looking at the ceiling, Levi extended his hands, feeling the water slipping through his fingers. A pathetic and almost invisible smile curved his lips. He didn’t want to close his eyes. If he did, he would see a crimson scarf dancing in the air. If he did, keeping them closed would be so tempting.  So, he didn’t. He didn’t but his mind found a way to bring back distant yet frequent memories.

The water mixed with the silvery sorrow of his soul.

With extreme care in his appearance, and once everything satisfied him, Levi set out for the government palace. Earlier street parties had begun and the soldier admired for one second the irrepressible happiness of the people around. Most of the citizens recognized him, calling his name with respect and moving out of his way; at least he walked without much uproar.

Two years ago, many cheered the Survey Corps in their victory. For two years, they had lived in freedom. With the regained liberty, the number of soldiers multiplied as the force reconstructing the cities and exploring the world; lance corporal Arlert leading the frontlines. Life had changed and yet most of his fellow subordinates remained in the Survey Corps, working under the direct orders of Queen Historia. Levi didn’t retire, despite his circumstances or beside them. However, he hadn't given up on his dream of opening a tea shop; some dreams were impossible to give up. Maybe one day he would. In the meantime, he remained tied to the military.

Queen Historia asked him to be present at the celebratory event; she said there was no celebration without the Ackermans and it was like squeezing his heart. The young Queen meant good and the Captain forced every step to honor the request. Why did people look at him as a hero? He was nothing more than a shadow, worn out and drained; a basket case for his friends. He ate properly, trained, and worked as he should. He would live no matter what, against himself if he had to.

He would remember no matter what. That was his curse.

 

> _ “You lose, Mikasa,” Levi claimed as the girl rested on her back and under his weight. His face inches away from hers and his hands holding her. Drops of sweat falling from her temple and sliding over her neck; her scarf neatly folded over a bench, next to his shirt. _
> 
> _ “Do I, Levi?” The flirting tone she used surprised him, but it was her gaze what moved the land beneath them. It felt like a caress and when she fixed her eyes on his mouth, biting her lip, a lightning bolt struck him. _

 

He strode with firm steps, the usual authority, and vacant eyes. If anyone asked for a certain and constant redness on them, Levi would reply that he was getting old, dismissing further inquiry. Most of the days he was sharp and sarcastic, but not that day. Not when the reminiscence overwhelmed him.

He was entering the old and fancy building when the corner of his eye caught a tint of red; his hammering palpitations awoke him, defogging his mind. The silhouette disappeared into a corner and Levi tried to reach her, but the lobby sheltered an excessive amount of people and he moved in an obstacle race. Soldiers, nobleman, courtesans and citizens, and all of them felt the urgent need of having his attention. Levi longed for the 3D gear and the possibility of escaping from their demanding grasps.

_ You need me. _

A swaying door told him where to go. His eyes saw nothing but the taller and slender figure leaning against the wall. His hand grabbed her sleeve, with uncertainty and hope.

It wasn’t her.

 

***

 

The next few months after their fight and her transfer, he watched her in the distance and not even once her eyes met his. If they had to work together, Mikasa attended the instructions and did as he told her, never asked more, never stayed a minute longer. Levi never missed the devilish red of her scarf in the mess hall, the training ground, or meetings. Sometimes, through the window, he observed her training; no one was a match for her strength and Erwin questioned his decision. Perhaps Mikasa had been right and he was no more than a coward.

Levi missed her.

He missed her company but life moved forward until the day that hell rose.

Annie escaped and the big battle took place. Their lives would change in one day. Less than twenty-four hours and good things and bad things happened. Greater good, said Erwin, but greater good taxed with the highest tariffs on the little they had.

The Special Operations Squad took down the colossal and the titans out of the wall, defending the frontline. Mikasa belonged to Hanji’s squad, and they fought the female type and the armored titan. Their last discussion came to his mind and her hatred towards Annie unsettled him. The Captain hated having her out of his sight, but greater good demanded his entire attention and Levi had no other choice than believing in her strength and resilience. There was no way Mikasa would leave Armin and Eren unprotected; so, he grasped at that hope. He fought; he fought and kept fighting, making the firm resolution of settling his relationship with Mikasa. He would live and make amends; he would beg her for a second chance and win her heart.

Before sunset, the remaining soldiers gathered and he felt her stare. For the first time in those months, she looked right into his eyes. He blinked and she was gone. The concern and profound care he saw in Mikasa’s face was genuine and hope, once again, invaded him. His eyes smiled and he felt pitiful; the simplest gesture coming from her had the most powerful effect. He had renewed strength but the world was ending and the man forced his mind to concentrate. In order to have a future with her, they had to have a future first. The victory was the only option.

A risky new plan needed the best soldiers to act, giving time and space to Eren and Erwin. She nodded, accepting her role in the fall of Annie Leonhardt and the ape titan. Levi would handle the latter. They had done it before.

Easier said than done.

Titans made a triangular formation and came after them; Mikasa flew using the titan’s bodies as he told her. Levi faced his own mission and forgetting everything but the despicable monster in front of him, the man moved towards the ape titan. This time, he avoided his previous mistakes. Every cut deeper and controlled, every move with a clear purpose and soon the beast fell at his feet. But unlike their first brawl, Seke had a second of self-control and the ape titan’s claw tore his back. The pain dizzied his head and the soldier fell to the ground; still, Levi —ignoring the sting and the blood draining out of him— moved with full velocity; his blades dug the titan’s flesh, forcing his enemy to go out. Once Seke came into view, Levi beheaded the man behind the war.

A deep and pained shriek resounded at his back and Levi saw a horde of titans coming at the female titan type’s call. Mikasa had cut her tendons, but the creature moved desperately toward Levi as a sudden reaction. He saw desperation and her eyes attentive to the inert figure of Seke, at Levi’s feet. Erwin and Eren were dealing with more titans than Levi could count and he realized he had no place to move. Without a horse or his gear, and with the numbness of his limbs weighing him down, Levi knew he was lost. But he wouldn’t go down without a fight and held his blades ready to do whatever he had to. He had to live, they had to win.

The crimson of her scarf betrayed her presence in the air. Mikasa moved fast, landing in Annie’s back. The female titan’s hardened skin made impossible a clean cut, but it wasn’t what Mikasa had in mind. She just used the creature’s body to propel her own, distracting the titan and giving him time to escape. Annie Leonhardt understood the trick and flexed her titan’s frame; her hand took Mikasa in the air, pulling her down and smashing her against the floor.

Levi stood and his own scream mixed with the frantic roar of Eren. The boy had moved from their fighting position and launched against Annie, but the blonde was faster and both watched the unconscious body of Mikasa Ackerman in her claws. Eren’s skin flamed and a worried Levi yelled at him to get his attention; Annie held Mikasa and kept moving until she found the dead body of Seke. Levi read something wicked behind the tears falling down her face. The alarm inside of him made him fire the grappling hooks, piercing the titan skin. At that moment, Annie smiled and curled up on the floor, hiding Mikasa against her chest. The last thing Levi saw was Annie Leonhardt’s eyes on him.

The explosion threw him into the air and everything turned black.

 

***

 

> _ “Mikasa, this,” he paused and cleared his voice, “is not a good idea.” _
> 
> _ “Says the man caressing my face and holding me tight.” She smiled and he loosened his arms. Once she freed her own arms, he expected she would leave. Instead, the girl’s arms surrounded his shoulders and then, she curled her fingers in his silky hair. _

 

The parade ended before sunset and he waited long enough to fulfill his duty. As soon as he could, Levi left the government building and rushed his steps. People on the streets dancing, and street artists performing plays about the fall of the titans. The general admiration supported the “impossible love” between the red-scarfed soldier and Eren Jaeger, and pretty girls dressed as Mikasa. None of them even close to her grace and elegance; none of them able to capture her strength and determination. None of them could possibly know how wrong their suspicions were.

At the end of the main street, he took an old and abandoned passage behind the buildings, his steps firmer and his resolution stronger. With his hands seeking refuge inside his coat, Levi breathed in and out, steadying his respiration and calming the anxiety in his bones. Hanji had told him not to come, that it wasn’t necessary and he needed some rest. Maybe Hanji was right, but he stuck to his routine; every day he did the same, went to the same place and that day shouldn’t be different. Earlier that day, his heart fooled him. The soldier counted every step to claim his cool back; after all, the repetition of the same pattern helped him. The sunlight would vanish in less than an hour, enough time to reach the destination.

He preferred the old castle outside the cities; but, when the war ended, Erwin and Hanji decided it would help if Historia had the Survey Corps at her side. He followed instructions, questioning them was out of the discussion. He had fought too many battles and after losing against Annie Leonhardt’s vengeance, Levi had no energy. He entered a secured building guarded by the Survey Corps. The guards opened the door with no further interrogation, all of them knew Captain Levi. The place felt cold but cleaner than most of the military building; it had a surgical atmosphere and Levi liked it.

As expected, that day hallways were almost empty; thanks to the celebrations most of the soldiers had a free day. In the middle of the quietness, he heard his own steps and respiration. Every day the same routine. At the end of the hall, he entered a classified room; Hanji wore two sets of goggles and bent their frame over a microscope. Levi knew by experience that he must wait until the scientist finished their work.

“I told you, it’s not necessary for you to come every day,” his superior said with their nose still in the middle of their research.

“I know. I don’t care.”

A loud sigh preceded Hanji’s words, “They are inside, waiting for you I guess. None of you listen to me.”

“Still no news I supposed.” He didn’t need an answer. Levi walked to the other room and as Hanji told him, two figures waited for him. Eren greeted him with his usual admiration and Armin smiled with tiredness, a too familiar feeling.

 

> _ “I don’t care if this is a good or bad idea,” she voiced out her thoughts, arching her back and lifting her head. Her lips brushing his. _
> 
> _ “I do, Mikasa.” _
> 
> _ “You know you don’t, Levi… you know you don’t.” _

 

The place had a window and a little garden with sunlight coming through the window.  It was a peaceful day and he had half an hour. The two younger men shared a nod and stood, leaving him alone.

His eyes searched for the crimson of her scarf and his hand tried to reach it, but again, unable to touch her. Two years ago, when Levi regained consciousness, he’d asked for her grave and they brought him to this exact place. Eren had killed Annie, but it was too late for Mikasa; the female titan had encapsulated her in a crystal prison inside of which she rested asleep. Erwin put her next to the garden and Hanji had tried countless times to break the crystal.

Every day he counted the steps, every day he waited, every day he wished. She was alive and he would live no matter what. He would live for the promised future, and maybe one day, his kiss would be enough to break the curse they were living. Maybe one day she would wake up from her dream and he would make amends and win her heart again.

Maybe one day…

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Levi and Mikasa get into a fight and Levi says some rather hateful things. In the next expedition, she dies saving his life. Feel free to make this as sad as possible. ;)
> 
> This is one of the most recurrent tropes in this fandom, so I tried to play with the idea.


End file.
